For the woman who is dependent upon her husband for support, her biggest fear is that she will be cut off financially and be unable to support herself, the household or their children. This is a very valid fear. Many women who have, by mutual choice or at their husband's request, given up their careers to become caretakers of their families, whether with children or without, are often left feeling completely vulnerable and insecure when they are served with divorce papers. Likewise, the fear of being financially cut off may prevent a woman from proceeding with a divorce even though she knows she wants to and believes it is best for her and her family. In this state of fear, it is often impossible to make an intelligent decision about how to proceed with respect to re-entering the workforce. As a legal issue, it is imperative that this decision be made together with your attorney if you have one, or at the very least with guidance at a consultation. If you have not yet made the decision to divorce, don't be afraid to make an appointment with an attorney just for a consultation, most of which are free. You are not wasting the attorney's time and are doing an invaluble service for yourself. Most attorneys don't expect that every consult will turn into a case (I certainly don't!) and this is part of what we do.
Since issues of support are unique to the state in which you live, I can't speak specifically to what would happen where you live, but here are some general principles which certainly apply in all circumstances.
1. Don't run out and do ANYTHING within the first month of being served with papers or having papers served on your husband. This is going to be a very difficult and challenging emotional time for you. This is a huge process, and simply stated, you just won't be in the right state of mind to do anything drastic. If you have not worked outside the home for any period of time of one or more years, running out to get a job is drastic. Keep in mind here that I am not talking about a situation where your husband disappears and that you have no resurces whatsoever and will find yourself homeless if you don't act quick. I am talking about the more common scenario where the divorce gets underway and your husband, who has always supported you, starts threatening that he is going to cut you off and that you "need to get a job." It especially amazes me when men who have supported their wives for their entire marriage believe that magically, upon the commencement of divorce, they are supposed to land an incredible position earning as much as their husbands, all while simultaneously having everything at home continue like business as usual. In most instances, husbands who support their wives will be required by law to continue to maintain the status quo while the divorce action is pending. This means to continue to support the household as they did immediately prior to the divorce action commencing.
2. Don't get a job just to get a job. Again, absent extreme circumstances, and provided your husband continues to voluntarily support you or you obtain a court order directing him to do so, you do not need to run out and "get a job." Instead, what you need to do is start thinking about what you might like to do in the future in terms of a career. If you have abandoned a career and would like to resume it, think about what it might take to get back into that field. If you do not have any desire to return to that line of work, or think there is something different or better for you, start thinking about what next steps you need to take to get there. Do you need any additional education? Training? When I have a client in this position, I find that the Court is very interested in hearing about a "plan" for my client. This is especially helpful in tying it into your request for support. For example, if my client wants to do become a teacher and has some college credits, and we know that she will require at least three (3) years of additional schooling to get her degree and additional credentials, then her request for three to five years of support is fair and reasonable, and a Court likely to consider that. If instead, there is no plan or basis, then a Court can simply decide on factors that it believes are reasonable, and a support duration might be shorter. Even worse, by taking that mediocre job you may remove yourself from the support pool altogether.
3. Don't sell yourself short. Don't think that you need to "prove" to your husband that you don't need him or his money. You are going to have a lot on your plate. You are going to have to run a household on a single income, with a single source of time and energy: YOU. Even if you can "do it all" you should not because you need that time and energy to focus on you, your children and this divorce. There are going to be expenses that you didn't even think of. Your children are going to need more of you than ever before. This is part two of the rest of your life. Take the time necessary to prepare yourself on all levels, and give your future career choices a lot of thought. Think about what will bring the best result for you and your children because that is what matters most.
