While most of my consults are from people who have already decided to get divorced or who have been told by their spouse that they will be getting divorced, I often get pre-divorce consults. These consultations usually go like this, "I'm thinking about getting divorced but I would like to have all my ducks in order. What should I be doing?" Great question! Here is my answer:
1. Get Informed. Make photocopies of every single important record in your home. This includes financial records, medical records, birth certificates, passports, insurance records (life, health, home and car) and monthly bills or invoices that are mailed to your home. Most bills and invoices these days are "on-line" of course, but some records still get mailed. I cannot tell you the number of people who have no idea what accounts if any exist or what bills they have. As you cannot open any mail delivered to anyone except you, I would suggest that you simply write down the name and address of the return envelope of any documents that come to your home that are addressed to your spouse.
2. Protect your Stuff. Make an inventory of all the valuable contents of your home, and by valuable I do not necessarily mean monetary value. There are many items that have sentimental value, and again, I cannot tell you how many of these items "disappear" when a divorce action is started. I have had clients crying in my office that they cannot find their baby pictures, mother's wedding dress, jewelry, record collection, etc. I actually had one client brag to me that she had burned her husband's law school diploma. Keep in mind that many people start taking things in order to "protect" them, but guess what? This only fuels the fire, so my suggestion is that you list, photograph and/or copy.
3. Get a PO Box. During a divorce you will be getting a lot of mail from your attorney. Make sure you have a safe place for that mail to go. Likewise for any other mail you will be getting.
4. Get a new email address. I had one client that had changed her password, but somehow, through the help of a hacker, her husband was able to get into her email. While this may be illegal and impermissible in Court blah, blah, blah, the point is that her spouse still was able to get valuable knowledge which he could use in other ways.
5. Protect your Information. Change ALL your passwords and PIN numbers. Most people use the same passwords or variation of a password for all their accounts, and during their marriage, they may have shared and interchanged their passwords and PIN. Don't assume your spouse doesn't know your password. You will be very surprised at just how savvy he/she is or can be once the divorce gets going.
6. Get Tech Help. Have your computer checked for spyware or any other type of software that allows someone not on your computer to see what you are doing. Also, if you linked your iphone to an ipad or a smartphone to a tablet whomever has your ipad can see your phone texts and email. Incredible!
7. Watch what you say! In some jurisdictions it is perfectly legal to record a conversation that you are a party to. What does that mean? That means that if you and your spouse are having a conversation, whether in person or on the telephone, you or your spouse can record that conversation if it is legal to do so in your state, and it can be used in Court. A client once brought me a tape recording of an argument he had with his wife (which recording was legal) where she said, "I will do anything to get you out of the house including lying in Court!" True story! Needless to say that when we played that recording in Court it raised more than an eyebrow from the judge!
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