If you're going to court it's already a sign that the divorce is not going smoothly. This means that stress, anxiety and tension is even higher than usual. Add to the fact that you are going to be face to face with your spouse, his/her lawyer and a Judge whom you know little about (except that he or she is going to be making decisions about you, your children and your life), let's just say that admittedly, (and rightfully so) you may not be at your very best. Here are some tips for preparing for The Big Day:
- What do I wear? Dress like you're going to a funeral. Pardon the pun but it really is the simplest way to explain that you must dress conservatively, simply and respectfully. You cannot go wrong with a suit and dark colors. If you don't have a suit, wear slacks or a knee length skirt, but keep the colors very basic. You should not wear jeans, t-shirts, sneakers or open toe shoes, i.e. sandals, flip-flops.
- Do not speak to your spouse unless the two of you are getting along and can maintain civility. No one should raise his or her voice. Court is a public place. There are other couples getting divorced, many attorneys and personnel. I cannot tell you the number of arguments that break out in the court hallways and believe me, the minute someone gets loud, he or she will find himself being quickly approached and escorted out by a uniformed officer. Often times the Judge's chambers are in close proximity to the gathering area for litigants which means they can hear what is happening just outside their door. Tempting as it may be to start telling your husband or wife off, don't do it. Let your lawyer do the talking.
- Do not speak to the other lawyer. Unless, you, your spouse and both lawyers are all engaging in a discussion, do not approach the other lawyer with the goal of "setting the record straight" or telling him/her the "truth" about your lying, cheating spouse. First, ethically, your spouse's lawyer is not allowed to speak to you directly unless he or she has your lawyer's permission. Secondly, your spouse's lawyer is there to represent your spouse, so no matter what you say or do, it is not going to persuade him or her to help your position. If anything, it will only make things worse.
- Do not bring the "gang." I know that it can be very intimidating and scary to go to Court, but it is not a place to bring your well-meaning parents, sister/brother, best friend, and certainly not your new significant other (yes, this has happened). First and foremost, when you bring another individual into a conversation or meeting with your attorney you are automatically breaking the attorney-client privilege. Secondly, your friends and relatives may have their own agenda and as a result, may cloud your own ability to focus. Lastly, it is distracting to your attorney and his/her ability to do his/her best for you. Think of it like a surgery; you cannot have your friends and/or family in the Operating Room, but unlike a hospital, there is no waiting room for your friends/family in court.
- Do make a list! I have already mentioned making a list for your attorney of the things that are important for your attorney to know about you. Likewise, make a list of things that you would like the Judge to know. WARNING: this list will NOT go to the Judge. This is simply your "wish list," and again, your attorney may conclude that some of it or none of it is important to your case. In the case of the latter, ask your attorney why or why not something is important. This will help you get a better understanding of your case.
- Bring a Book. Depending on your jurisdiction (where your case is), you may be sitting around the courthouse for hours before your case is called. You are going to need something to help keep you distracted and calm.
- Keep Time. Speaking of time, make sure you record the time you spent in Court with your lawyer. And be on time!
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