THE DIVORCE WORKOUT

First a "divorce diet," now a workout too?  Yes!

As anyone who has ever dieted knows, there is only so much that watching your intake can do.  After a while the body gets used to the change and hits the dreaded plateau.  At this point there's only one of three things you can do: give up, cut more calories, or workout.   

While going through a divorce you inevitably hit a plateau.  You are doing all the right things and yet, seem to be getting nowhere.  It seems like your ex is getting away with murder, going on with his/her life, and even worse, actually enjoying this.  You are sick of "being good" and not seeing results.  You're hungry, cranky and desperate.  You are tempted to "give up" and may tell your lawyer, "just give him/her whatever she wants; I can't do this anymore," but in truth, you know you really can't give up, nor do you want to! Like a plateau, this feeling is temporary, like hunger or frustration.  You can't cut more "calories."   It's bad enough that I've asked you to get clear your home of your favorite evidence, keep quiet, and not curse him/her out.  What next Maria? Send flowers?  No.  This is where the "Divorce Workout" comes in and you don't even have to go to a gym.  Here are just a few ideas:

1.    If you're feeling negative, take "Spin"

You spend an hour on a stationary bike literally spinning your wheels ferociously with all your will and might.  You climb mountains, speed down open roads and look forward to your recovery.  You huff, you puff, you sweat, you sigh, and after an hour, you've gone nowhere but feel great!

In the context of divorce, you need to do the same thing.  You need to put a "spin" on what is happening.  What do I mean?

You:   He just took a vacation to Paris.  How can he get away with that?

Me: Really? That's GREAT! I can't wait until we go back to Court and he tells the Judge he     has no money.

You:  She's been going out every Wednesday night leaving me with the kids until 9:00 in the morning the next day! It's a school night! How can she get away with that?

Me:  Really?  That's GREAT!  You're establishing a great pattern for overnight visits during the week.  I can't wait until we go back to Court and she tells the Judge she doesn't think you should have overnight visits on school nights.

As a divorce attorney I take spin class seven days a week.  I must always look for the other side of an argument.  If I didn't, and simply went along with whatever looked bad, I'd be a lousy lawyer and my clients wouldn't be too happy with the results.  Remember early on in my first post I told you to be a co-pilot with your lawyer? That means you need to take spin too.  Use this workout to change your perspective and feel better.

2.  If you're mind is racing practice "Yoga"

You twist and turn your body sideways, upward, inward, downward and backward all the while with the goal of keeping your thoughts still (as in non-existent).  As you extend your arms into a "T" reaching out to the side wall then down your leg to form a "triangle" you hear bones cracking, feel muscles stretching, and are instructed simply to "breathe" through it.

Likewise, when you're conjuring up all kinds of scenarios and worries and you feel your whole life and being is being twisted and turned upside down and inside out, you need to take a deep breath and still your mind, even if it is just for a minute, or long enough to "hold" a pose.    Yoga poses are also a great way of envisioning how flexible we really are, and that we can, though not easily, get out of our comfort zone.

3.  If you're angry and frustrated try "kickboxing"

You kick, punch, shout and launch a full blown assault on your target without hurting anyone or getting arrested.  Sometimes you just need to let loose.  Tension is running high, buttons are being pushed, and you literally just cannot take it anymore.  This is especially true if you're living with your spouse during the divorce process.  Inevitably a "discussion" is going to lead to an "argument" and escalate to a full on fight that might result in a slammed door, punched wall, or flying object.  All of the anger and frustration that has been pent up is going to come out, and believe me, so will the police. Don't let the anger and frustration build.  Get it out often but do it alone.  Your spouse and/or property are not your "punching bag," emotionally or physically.  Throw an air punch, pound your pillow,  scream in your car or anything else that is going to get it out of your system. 

Whatever your choice of workout, do it and do it regularly, but allow a short rest so that you don't burnout.  A rest is a pause.  It's okay to have a bad moment, slip up or just take a day off; but remember, after you do, hit play and get back on track.

Like any workout, you won't see immediate results, but stick with it, and in time you'll see the difference.