CHILDREN ARE NOT PRISONERS AND YOU ARE NOT THE WARDEN!

So much for not writing about "the kids" but this week's events just made that impossible.  I received a letter from an attorney on Friday at about 3:00.  It literally stated that her client would "not be releasing" the children for visitation this weekend.  It appears that her client had grave concerns about her ex-husband's "behavior."  My response?  Children are not prisoners whom your client can release at her whim. 

It's true and it goes both ways.  One parent cannot simply refuse to let the children go, and the other cannot refuse to bring them back.  Sadly, this happens all too often.

A court order of visitation is just that, an order.  It cannot be violated because a father or a mother thinks that his or her judgment overrides that of the court.  There are mechanisms to get things changed, and if you think there is a problem, you need to go to court or find a way to get the order modified legally.  In legal terms, when you take matters into your own hands, we call that "self-help" and that is a no-no.  Now of course if your spouse shows up at your door drunk with the car keys in hand you are not going to put the children in his/her car.  Likewise, if you return the children to the other parent and he/she is intoxicated or passed out on the couch you cannot just leave them.  I am not talking about life threatening dangers.  I am talking about parents who don't like something that his/her ex-spouse is saying or doing and thus decides that it's time to pull the plug on access to the children.  I've seen this happen when a parent does not like the fact that the other parent has, for example, taken the children to visit a relative that the other parent dislikes, to a certain movie, or sporting event and anything else that the other parent doesn't "approve of."  Likewise, I have seen parents refuse to bring children home for similar reasons.

Engaging in "self help" is never the solution.  There are legal ways to effectuate changes that are necessary to the well being of the children.  They may be lengthy and costly, but if you are that concerned, then you need to seek those routes. 

A Judge is never happy when a parent takes matters into his or her own hands.    And even if you have the best of intentions, or really are concerned, if a Judge does not agree that the situation was dangerous to your child, you are the one who will be in the hot seat.